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This past week, I shared something in a sermon that I am not particularly proud of. There have been times in my life when I have been more interested in being right than being righteous. Maybe you have been there too.

Being right can feel pretty good, but only for a moment. We win the argument. We make our point. We prove that the other person was wrong. But what have we really won?

Being right is temporary. Being righteous has eternal value because righteousness points us toward the only One who is truly righteous, the eternal, living, loving, forgiving, saving God.

As followers of Jesus Christ, our words should increasingly reflect Him.

Paul gives us a powerful standard:

“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” — Ephesians 4:29

Think about what Paul is saying. Our words should build. They should meet a need. They should give grace to the person hearing them.

That's much more than simply being nice.

One person who helped me think differently about this was Frosty Westering, the legendary football coach at Pacific Lutheran University. I never played for Frosty, but I watched his teams. There was something different about them, something special.

Frosty taught people to intentionally use five kinds of words and actions toward others:

Affirm. Appreciate. Compliment. Encourage. Praise.

I love those five words. Not because they're a formula for being a nice person, but because they challenge me.

I can affirm someone.

I can tell someone I appreciate them.

I can give an honest compliment.

I can encourage someone who needs it.

I can praise someone for something they've done well.

And every time I intentionally choose to do one of those things, I have an opportunity to let the light of Christ shine through me.

Jesus said:

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” — Matthew 5:16

The purpose isn't for people to think better of me. The purpose is to point them towards Him.

Look at how Jesus spoke to people. He recognized faith when He saw it. He showed compassion to the hurting. He spoke hope to people others had rejected. After Peter denied Him three times, Jesus restored him and gave him work to do: “Feed My sheep” (John 21:17).

But Jesus wasn't simply “nice.” He spoke truth.

Sometimes His words comforted. Sometimes they encouraged. Sometimes they confronted. Sometimes they exposed sin and called people to repentance.

Jesus always loved, and because He loved, He told the truth.

That's important for us.

Words that build aren't necessarily words that make someone feel good. Sometimes the most loving thing we can say is something truthful that a person needs to hear.

But even then, our purpose should not be to tear someone down so we can stand taller.

Our purpose should be Christ.

Jesus said:

“For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” — Matthew 12:34

That one gets uncomfortable. My words can reveal something about my heart. There have been plenty of times when I haven't liked what they revealed about mine.

I've said things I regret. I've had shortcomings and failures. And as I have grown in Christ, I have learned something important about those moments.

My failures don't mean that I don't belong to Him.

I am His.

The more I grow in my faith, the more certain I become of His love, His grace, His forgiveness, and what Christ accomplished for me at the cross.

That doesn't make me comfortable with sin.

It makes me want to turn from it. That's repentance.

I sometimes picture an insect fluttering around a single light in the darkness. The light is Christ. Sometimes I'm moving toward that light. Sometimes my direction starts taking me away from it.

When I recognize that, repentance means changing my direction. Turn around. Back toward Jesus.

I don't need to remain trapped staring at yesterday's failure. I take it to the cross, repent, and change my direction.

None of these five actions saves us. Affirming someone won't save me. Encouraging people won't save me. Neither will attending church, giving money, serving others, or doing enough good things.

Jesus already did the saving.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith... not of works, lest anyone should boast.” — Ephesians 2:8–9

But God isn't finished with us after salvation. He is transforming us. The Holy Spirit is working in us, making us more like Christ. We participate by surrendering ourselves to His work, choosing obedience, stepping out in faith, repenting when we turn away, and continuing to walk toward Him.

The work is His, but I want to be willing. Those five words give me five small opportunities to practice that willingness.

Affirm. Appreciate. Compliment. Encourage. Praise.

I've been blessed to experience these things myself. My parents demonstrated extraordinary love and forgiveness to me, and through them I saw something that pointed me toward God. Today, I am fortunate to have Christians around me who encourage me, comfort me, and forgive me despite my shortcomings.

They point me toward Christ.

I want my words to do the same for someone else.

Here is a challenge for this week. Make this easy. Take a piece of paper, an index card, or a note on your phone. Write down these five words:

  1. AFFIRM
  2. APPRECIATE
  3. COMPLIMENT
  4. ENCOURAGE
  5. PRAISE

Keep it somewhere you'll see it. The refrigerator, your wallet, your pocket, your desk, wherever works for you.

Then begin each day with a simple prayer:

Father, in the name of Jesus, give me an opportunity today to use one of these actions to show someone the love and light of Christ.

Don't make the goal complicated. Try to intentionally use one each day. Try to use all five before the week is over. When God gives you the opportunity, take it.

Then, at the end of the day, pray again. Thank Him for the opportunity He gave you to be a light to someone else.

And what's the prize for completing the challenge? Nothing you can put on a shelf. Something much better. Becoming a little more like Jesus. That's the prize. That's sanctification. That's One Step Closer.

One Step Closer: This week, don't simply try to say nicer things. Ask God to change your heart, watch for the opportunities He gives you, and intentionally use your words to build others and point them toward Christ.